Kailey's 2nd Birthday

I am such a slacker. Kailey turned two two weeks ago! I can't believe how much my baby has grown up!! What a difference a few years can make. A child goes from COMPLETELY relying on their parents to feed, cloth, diaper, and bath them to being able to roll, crawl, walk... I mean, Kailey can put on her OWN socks now!! And she helps put things in the trash... things that before I would have to bend over to do... She does with such easy and willingness! :] I love my Kai Bug!!

The party went so great! :] I will post pictures soon!! I haven't uploaded them yet. I'm slacking on that too... But we had a blast! All the kids LOVED the park, and I for one, loved the easy clean up! haha. All the kids played until the food was done... well, some of them kept playing even then!

She got a great selection of toys from mess free coloring books and markers, to a ball, to an inch worm rider, to 24 month clothes (that are still a little too big for her lol)... She even got a graco set of doll items like a toy playpen, bouncy seat, play mat, and diaper bag/changing pad! It even matches the set that we bought for her when she was a newborn!! It's precious! Thank you P-Paw! :]



Kailey,
Two years ago, you were so tiny. You weighed in at a tiny 7lbs 9oz (I say tiny because your brother was almost 9lbs!!). I can't even begin to express how much I love you. You're beautiful smile, your long curly blonde hair, your big blue eyes... and especially those long luscious eyelashes! You are going to be one heck of a heart-breaker one of these days... But please don't grow up too soon. I cannot imagine my life without you. You are my world. I love you more than words could ever say. Every little thing you do (except when you get into your brother's formula!) makes me so happy that you are my child. I cannot wait to see you grow up and become a little lady! I love you my little Kai Bug!
Always and forever,
Mommy

---------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday morning around 3:30 - 4am, my husband got into a wreck... He fell asleep at the wheel and drove into a ditch. He is okay, but I can't say the same for our truck... The front drivers side tire ended up horizontal underneath the running board under the drivers side door. There is also several cracks in the frame of the truck. Not to mention that the bracket that the wheel attaches to the frame at is completely broken off. It looks worse in person since the drivers side of the truck is literally sitting on the ground. I'll post pics soon.
Anyway, we are in a rental. A brand new (straight off the lot) 2012 Mazda 6. I'm in love! If our truck is totaled, we WILL be getting one! ...lol... all that just to say that because we are in a rental, we were out with the kids on friday, and we usually don't stop and go inside to eat anywhere because it's very chaotic to do that with a toddler and an infant! ...BUT we had to since we are in the car... so we go into BK. Kailey and Cohen both put on the little paper crowns... SO STINKING CUTE!

I love my gorgeous little girl! Kailey didn't want to leave! lol.

Kailey will be TWO!

So for Kailey's second birthday, I have decided to go with a Ladybug theme. This is for several reasons...
1) I call her my Kai Bug <3
2) In honor of all the little girls who never made it to their second birthday. :[
3) It's so darn cute!
4) My dad used to call me his ladybug (selfish, I know, hehe!) :]

I made the invitations already!! Like 5 months ago! haha. :] Here's what they look like:

I just love it! :]

I have soooo many other plans! I've already made some decorations, too! I've decided that in order to afford two birthday parties within two months this year, I am going to be making all the decorations and food (even the cakes!)

My inspiration! : Ladybug themed party :] << That was sooooo cute! I won't be going all out like that since we are having it outside... but it's just so darn cute I had to share!

I can't believe that it's almost been TWO years since I had my little girl! Here is pictures from the hospital!

Here's one from infancy :]

and here she is as a toddler!

They grow up wayyyy too fast!

<3 Kayla

P.S. Sorry the blog looks a little funny. I'm in the middle of a remodel!!

If only...

If only I had more time in the day to do more things that I wanted to do.
If only I had less laundry to do...

...I were on top of things I would...
    ... post more on this blog
    ... take showers daily
    ... take my kids to the park
    ... take more pictures (I feel guilty because we have a MILLION pictures of        Kailey's first year... and only a HUNDRED of Cohen's so far... :[  )
    ... laundry
    ... dishes
    ... cleaning
    ... dusting, etc.

If only I had more time... But I don't. No one does...

However, I have my kids. I spend every waking moment with them. Who says I haven't accomplished anything? I feed my kids daily, change their diapers, put them down for naps, change their clothes, feed them some more, give them baths, brush their hair, brush their teeth. My children are thankful for that. A lot of children don't have the privilege of being able to spend even 15 minutes with their mothers... and some never get the chance to even meet them. I promised myself a long time ago that I was going to be a better mother than mine was. That's why I've chosen to stay at home with my children. I may not have a clean house, and dishes may be in the sink, but my children love me, and I love my children. I may have 6 loads of laundry to do, and I may have toys all over the living room floor, and crumbs in the kitchen, but -to me- my children are more important to me. Whats going to matter more 10 years from now? A clean house or memories with my children? I can deal with a little mess, and I can deal with accidents. What I can't deal with is not spending my time with my children. I can't imagine not being there the first time they smile, crawl, walk, or say "mama!".

Thats pretty much all I'm going to say about that... :]

<3Kayla

Coxsackie?

First off I want to say that I feel horrible! On Tuesday I took Cohen to the pediatrician. He has a ringworm on the back of his left leg. This is his second one in his 7 (almost 8) months of life! Poor guy! Anyways, the pediatrician walked out of the room to write his prescription. I turned around with one hand on Cohen's leg and was grabbing a diaper and the wipes because I smelled poopy... Low and behold what happens?? Before I can even think about what is happening, Cohen FALLS off the table!!! I immediately pick him up and comfort him because he is screaming louder than I've ever heard him scream before... He starts to calm down and I notice a HUGE blue and red spot on the right side of his forehead. I went out of the room and looked for the pediatrician. She took him away from me and looked at his head. We walked back into the room and she leaves to grab a bag of ice and a pedialite ice pop. As I sit there holding him, all I could do was cry with him, as I'm trembling from fear. I felt horrible. This has NEVER happened before. Yes, he's fallen before, but only from the couch and it's definitely NOT as tall as that table was. So when the doctor came back she said we had to stay for about 15-30 minutes more so they could keep an eye on him... She told us about 20 minutes later that we could go home, but to watch to make sure he was eating and playing like normal. Needless to say, he was okay. Even though I was shaken and he has a huge bruise on the side of his forehead, he is okay. My poor baby... I am sooooo sorry!!


So the day after that incident, he developed a fever and a runny nose. Since all was okay with the bump on his head, I just kind of assumed that I was just a cold because Kailey had the same thing the week before. I treated it with tylenol and we kept an eye on it. Yesterday he wasn't any better, so I called the pediatrician (who's office was closed so I had to talk to the on-call nurse). She told me to watch him for 20 minutes and try to get him to play and she'd call me back. He wouldn't play, he just fell asleep in my arms like he had been doing the past couple days (which is not normal for him. He hates being held when he is trying to fall asleep normally.) So the nurse said that with his symptoms that she thought it would be a good idea to go to the ER. So I call my husband, who is on the way to drills for the Army, and since Cohen was asleep we decided to wait through the night and see how he was in the morning.


Well, this morning we woke up and he still had a fever and runny nose. He slept with me on the couch in my lap all night. So I call my hubby and he comes home and we drop Kailey off at Blake's grandmothers house and take Cohen to the ER. I'm skipping the whole waiting parts because we have a pediatric ER at our hospital and it only takes like 10 minutes to see a doctor!!  ... When the doctor comes in, he examines Cohen and checks him mouth. Turns out he has a virus called Coxsackie. I was like COXSACKIE?? What is that?!? It sounded horrible!


Basically it is a virus that causes blisters (and ulcers) to form in the mouth and throat. It is also sometimes called "hands foot mouth" or "Herpengina". Either way it can also cause blisters on the feet and hands. And in some cases can lead to Meningitis!


What's the cure?
Wait it out! They did tell us to use a concoction of Maalox and Bendryl..  which will numb the soars in his mouth and allow him to eat...


Symtoms:
High fever (100+ *F)
Loss of appetite (due to the blisters)
Trouble feeding
Vomiting
Diarrhea
Difficulty breathing
Convulsions
Unusual sleepiness
Pain in the chest or abdomen
Sores on the skin or inside the mouth
Severe sore throat
Severe headache, especially with vomiting, confusion, or unusual sleepiness
Neck stiffness
Red, swollen, and watery eyes
Pain in one or both testicles


However, the child doesn't have to have all of these symptoms... They could only have one! :[


Long story short, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE trust your mothers instinct when you think something is wrong take them to the doctor. It's better to be wrong than to ignore it!


G'Night everyone!
<3 Kayla


P.S. Today Kailey is 21 months old! Only 3 months before her 2nd birthday! My little girl is getting sooo big! (Update on Kailey- She seems to be gaining weight. Although we haven't weighed her lately, she feels like she is getting heavier! YAY! She's on her way to having her surgery to fix her broken heart :] )

Auction of the Heart

Hi everyone!

We went to the doctor this morning! Our pediatrician put her on a high calorie diet. Meaning whatever I feed her I have to put butter/mayo/sour cream/grated cheese/cheese sauce/gravy on it. Anything to give her extra calories. I was told to also give her "Boost Formula" to help her gain weight. This is a high calorie "milk" drink (like pediasure). She labeled Kailey as "FTT" or Failure To Thrive. :[  But told me not to worry because that is a general term meaning that she's not growing at the same rate that she was as a baby, or growing as they would like to see her on the growth carts... BUT she DID gain 2 more pounds since last month!! (she's at 24 lbs now!)

All of this is because she needs to be a certain weight before they can do the surgery. Not exactly sure what the goal is here... but probably somewhere between 25-30lbs. So, she's getting close! :] And with all the extra calories, she will be there in no time!

As most of you know, I am the owner/designer of Little Teapot Designs. I would like to host an auction on my facebook page in order to help pay some of the medical expenses associated with my daughters up coming surgery. If you would be interested, I will be auctioning off baby items that I make. Such as:
Baby blankets,
Tag blankets,
Rhinestone onesies,
Tutu's
Bows,
Diaper cakes,
Diaper Bags,
Cloth baby shoes,
Burp cloths,
Wash cloths,
Cloth diapers,
Name blocks,
Alphabet blocks,
Keepsake box,
Wipe case,
Diaper carry case,
Car seat canopies,
Invitations,
Announcements,
ETC...

Please let me know if you will be interested. And let you're friends and family know about it too please! We really do need all the help we can get!! Thanks!

Edited to tell ya'll that I forgot to mention that Cohen got his FIRST tooth today!! Yeah I know, a little late huh? haha. He is 7 months old... and Kailey did get her first tooth at 5.5 months... so I think he's going to be slow on a few things... my little fatty! Oh, that reminds me, he now weighs in at 22 lbs!! Only 2 lbs away from Kailey!! haha. I <3 my Chunky Monkey Man! (his initials are CMM--Cohen Michael Mote--Chunky Monkey Man!)

<3 Kayla

New OB

So, yesterday morning I went to a new OB/GYN to have a consult for Mirena! I really think I like this guy. We got to discussing my previous pregnancies, and how the deliveries went... And as I told him about how my epidural didn't work with Cohen's delivery he got rather angry that my doctors wouldn't try to put in a new catheter. He really seems like he cares about THE PATIENT and not just getting paid. He even said that in 2008 he switched hospitals that he delivers at because the one he was at wasn't catering to the pregnant ladies needs as he would expect them to!

anyways... lol. about my Mirena! I have to wait until I take out my NuvaRing on the 7th. Then I can call them and schedule the appointment to get it placed!! YAY! I'm so happy! lol. I don't have to worry about it anymore! for 5 whole years! Woo Hoo! haha. anyways. The reason for so much excitement is that since my husband lost his job in February, we don't have enough money to pay for NuvaRing anymore ($80 a month!). So now that I'm getting this, we won't have to worry about the money issue with my birth control. I'm also excited because I got pregnant on Yaz and was scared that I'd get pregnant on the ring too... lol. But Mirena really is 99.9% effective since it blocks the Fallopian tubes! :P


On another note... I brought Kailey's old Exer-Saucer upstairs for Cohen to play in... Well, Kailey decided she wanted in it. She started bouncing up and down really fast and Cohen started screaming at the top of his lungs!! It was hilarious! Every time she jumped he screamed and stiffened his arms out in front of him! He looked absolutely terrified! Poor baby... and all I could do was laugh!

Kailey has some new words!!
-Meany (mimi)
-beep beep
-night night

And after her dentist appointment last Tuesday she used the potty!! She's getting so big so fast!! She'll be 2 in four months!! Cohen had his follow up hearing screening (since he failed it in the hospital) and he passed!! :] They BOTH have to get shots on the 28th!! :[

Well, hope everyone has a good Easter weekend!!

<3 Kayla

We need to fix it

As you all know, Kailey had her heart check-up today. they took an ultrasound of her heart which confirmed the size. It is 1/3 of an inch!! Which on an adult heart, isn't so big... but on my small daughter's heart it is. This means that they are going to have to close the hole by the time she turns 3. We go back August 17 to check it again, that's when we will have to schedule the procedure...

I was almost at a loss for words when i heard the cardiologist say "we'll absolutely need to fix it". I think my heart almost fell out of my chest. My precious baby girl has a broken heart- literally... That breaks my heart. My little girl is going to have to go through a procedure to fix her heart before she is even 3 years old. I know that this is the best option for my girl. I know that this will improve her life. This will help her in so many ways.

The risk of NOT doing the procedure compared to DOING the procedure is higher. If we do not do this procedure now, then the pressure and strain that the murmur is putting on her heart could cause significant damage to her heart. I can also cause the heart to weaken, in turn causing her heart to not pump her blood as efficiently. Thus as she gets older it will cause more stress and more weakening. And as she gets older and starts to have children of her own, that will also put lots of stress and pressure on her weak heart. Also the extra oxygenated blood that is flowing back into the lungs from the hole can cause blood vessel damage in her lungs. So obviously we need to do this procedure, but we will definitely be getting a second opinion.

On another note, the cardiologist says that he doesn't suspect that the hole is causing her insignificant weight gain. She has only gained 2 pounds since her first birthday. He thinks that she might have a problem absorbing fat from her food. We have to see a nutritionist so see if we can fix her diet...

So, hopefully, my sweet baby girl will be okay. Please send us prayers, we need them dearly. :]

My beautiful Kailey

<3 Kayla

Kailey's Heart

My little girl was born with a heart murmur. For those of you who don't know what that means... well, simply put, she has a hole in her heart. :[ They noticed this at her 4 month check-up, and sent us to see a pediatric cardiologist. Here are all the details about ASD-more so of Kailey's ASD.

In a healthy heart, blood that returns from the body to the right-side filling chamber (right atrium) is low in oxygen. This blood passes to the right-side pumping chamber (right ventricle), and then to the lungs to receive oxygen. The blood that has been enriched with oxygen returns to the left atrium, and then to the left ventricle. It's then pumped out to the body through the aorta, a large blood vessel that carries the blood to the smaller blood vessels in the body. The right and left filling chambers are separated by a thin shared wall, called the atrial septum.

Kailey’s heart has an opening in the wall (septum) between the atria (the two top chambers). [See picture above to see what Kailey's heart looks like.] As a result, some oxygenated blood from the left atrium flows through the hole in the septum into the right atrium, where it mixes with oxygen-poor blood and increases the total amount of blood that flows toward the lungs. The increased blood flow to the lungs creates a swishing sound, known as a heart murmur (or echo). It's not clear why, but ASDs are more common in girls than in boys (Luckily, Cohen does NOT have this!). ASD is  caused when a problem occurs during the formation of the heart during the first few weeks after conception. In some cases, the tendency to develop an ASD might be genetic, which in Kailey’s case it is. Her father also had a heart murmur when he was born. Genetic syndromes can cause extra or missing pieces of chromosomes that can be associated with ASD.

The size of an ASD and its location in the heart will determine what kinds of symptoms a child experiences. Most kids who have ASD’s seem healthy and appear to have no symptoms. Generally, they feel well and grow and gain weight normally. They said that Kailey's defect is somewhere between the size of a BB and a marble, but closer to the BB size.

Children with larger, more severe ASDs, however, might have some of these signs or symptoms:

• poor appetite
• poor growth
• fatigue
• shortness of breath
• lung problems and infections, such as pneumonia

Lately, since turning one, Kailey has had a poor appetite, poor growth (at 20 months she is only 22lbs! So that means since she was 12 months, she has only gained 2 pounds. Cohen is at 20lbs and is 6 months old.), and fatigue. She gets really tired really quickly. When she wakes up in the morning, it’s only about an hour or two before she is ready to take a nap. She naps for 2-2.5 hours then wakes up. She will then stay up for maybe 4-5 hours then she is ready for bed. That’s only a total of maybe 7-7.5 wakeful hours a day… out of 24. In my personal opinion, that’s not good for an almost 2 year old.  In general, kids with a small ASD won't require restrictions on physical activity- which, so far, Kailey has no restrictions…

Kailey’s murmur is small, so she simply needs to visit a pediatric cardiologist regularly to ensure that there are no problems. They say that often, small defects will close spontaneously without any treatment during the first years of life. Kailey’s doctors want to close her defect by the time that she is 3 years old. That’s just a little over a year away! They would do it by using a method called Cardiac Catheterization. Meaning that they would insert a thin, flexible tube called a catheter into a blood vessel in the leg that leads to the heart. A cardiologist will guide the tube into the heart to make measurements of blood flow, pressure, and oxygen levels in the heart chambers. A special implant will be positioned into the hole in the septum and will flatten against the septum on both sides to close and permanently seal the ASD.

We are hoping and PRAYING that we will not have to do either of these procedures. We hope that her heart will heal on its own- like her father’s did. We go tomorrow (well, I guess today) to the cardiologist to get an ultrasound of her heart to make sure that everything is okay. Hopefully we will see a change, and that it is getting smaller. So far it hasn’t decreased in size since they found it when she was 4 months old.

Hoping that tomorrow will go well!

<3 Kayla

P.s- Kailey went potty in her big girl potty on Monday! Which ironically was the same day she went to the dentist- and might I add, did very well! She got a balloon, a slinky, and a sticker! I'm so proud of my little girl. She's growing up too fast! But I'm thankful that the diaper period is almost over! haha.

Baby Belly #2

I've really neglected this blog. Bad me! Oh well, I've been trying to promote my business lately, and I've had a few orders!! But that's not really an excuse, now is it? NOPE... lol...

anywho.

My second pregnancy went so well! I didn't have as much heart burn with Cohen as I did with Kailey. Thank the heavens! I did, however, have horrible, agonizing heartburn in my third trimester. I had that with Kailey too, but it wasn't that bad with her... Either way, both my babies came out with a lot of hair (even though Cohen's fell out! haha). I feel really bad because I didn't take as many mommy pregnancy pictures with Cohen as I did with Kailey. (Come to think of it, I don't take near as many pictures of either one of them now as I did when Kailey was 0-6 months old! :[ I'm horrible!) But, anyways, here are some pictures of my pregnancy with Cohen. Please forgive the horrendous stretch marks! I got them all from Cohen (Minus like 2)!!! Boys are a pain! lol. But you gotta love 'em!

18 weeks 6 days...

[cause EVERYDAY counts!]

32 weeks 5 days here :]

Maternity pictures! :] 33 weeks 2 days!

I don't remember exactly when this was taken,

but I was somewhere around 35-36 weeks :]

And as for the baby shower!!! It was amazing! with amazing gifts!! :] I loved all the cute outfits and onesies! And I also got a diaper cake from my mother in law. Had never seen one before then, but it was really cool!! (oh, my business, Little Teapot Designs, does diaper cakes too!) Here's some pictures!

Before everyone got there :]

Baby bath tub! ;]

[sorry it's sideways. Not sure how to turn it on here...]

My mother in law LOVES tigger!

NB onesie! soooo tiny!! (he was almost too big for this!)

The cake :]

 <3 Kayla

P.s- My baby girl is 20 months old today!! Only 4 months till her birthday bash!! :]

Time flies so quickly! Cohen will be ONE in 5 1/2 months!! WOW!

Oh-My-Gosh

In January of 2010 my period once again didn't show up. I didn't assume all was well this time. I was all too familiar with what was happening to my body. I took a test, and low and behold it was positive...AGAIN! 

Finding out I was pregnant with Cohen was a BIG shocker. And by BIG I mean huge, enormous, over the top! I couldn't believe it, absolutely couldn't believe it. Kailey was only 5 months old when I tested positive. This means I got pregnant when she was 4 months old!! CRAZY!! That means they would only be 13 months apart! And by NO means were we trying! I was actually on birth control. -Note to self: Don't use YAZ ever again!- I was really upset with being pregnant again, but I got over that quickly.

My first thoughts were:

How am I going to take care of TWO kids UNDER 2?

How am I going to handle being pregnant and taking care of an infant?

Am I going to be good at managing two kids?

How do I handle it when they BOTH start crying?

But I soon realized that it will all come naturally when the time comes...I am a mother after all...

After finding out that I was pregnant again, I immediately stopped my BC and called my OB/GYN to make an appointment. I was guessing I was around 6-7 weeks along, but they wouldn't see me until I was 12 weeks! I was like seriously?!? 12 weeks? Isn't that a little late? Did you not hear me correctly? I said I tested POSITIVE on a home pregnancy test and I need to make an appointment to make sure it's right! I'd almost be in my 2nd trimester for heavens sake!

Anyway, I want to state that I in no way intended on getting pregnant. However, Cohen (and Kai bug, too) is not nor never will be, a mistake. He is what God wanted for our family. Yes, I was a little upset, okay, a lot upset, when we found out, but I love him just the same! Now, I can't imagine what life would be like with just a toddler. I needed Cohen in my life and God knew that, so he gave him to me, and I couldn't of been happier.

When family found out (because of lack of planning on my husbands part- he left a receipt for prenatal vitamins on the kitchen table for everyone to see), they we're very happy. Actually they were mad and thought we were lying about being on BC! But thats another story by itself...

Here is our first glimpse of our baby boy...

As the tears flow...

The past couple of weeks I've been reading stories about mothers who've lost their children, their babies, their lives... Every time I read one of these stories or watch a memorial video on YouTube, I'm drowning in tears. I just can't hold them back. I can't Imagine if those pictures were of my children, of my baby, of my life... I want to question God when I see things like this. It breaks my heart and soul, and deep down in my gut, I can feel something break. Little innocent children and babies lives are being taken, and cruel and evil killers get to live? That's just something I don't understand fully. How is that fair? Why don't they get to live a wonderful life filled with love and hope? Why do serial killers get to live and murder people?

Going back to the thought that I can't bare. If one of my children died (God forbid) my whole life would crumble. Seeing these stories of SIDS makes me question every moment I have with my 5 month old son, Cohen. I can't imagine my life without him, or without my Kai Bug. I'm sobbing just thinking that it COULD happen to anyone, including me. I love my children so much and now I stay up longer just to make sure they are breathing, I watch their every move, I don't get as frustrated with them when they wont stop crying, or when my 18 month old decides she wants to throw a fit in the middle of Walmart. I've been taking in EVERY moment possible. I usually like to see myself as a "the glass is half-full" kind of person, but in all reality I think of it this way: It depends on how the glass got that way... Meaning, the glass is ONLY half-full if it is FILLED to the halfway point, and the glass is ONLY half-empty if it is EMPTIED to the halfway point. I don't know if that makes me a pessimistic or an optimistic, but that's what I think.

I always over-think things. I could be hauling Kailey on my hip and go through a doorway and I'll think to myself, "What if I had hit her head on the door jam and busted her head open? Blood oozing everywhere, do I call 911? Do I rush to to the ER? If I rush to the ER do I have to put her in her car seat, because, in all honesty, it takes 2 minutes to do that... and if I waste 2 minutes, then something bad could happen, right?" Not sure why I do this. But I do know it started after I had Kailey. Maybe because I'm so scared of loosing her. I really don't know. But I do know that I love her, and I love Cohen, and I would do anything for them.

I can only imagine what these families that lost their children are going through. I did get a glimpse of the pain though. I had a dream a few nights back, and I woke up in utter shock. In my dream, I had just given birth to my precious baby boy, only I didn't remember it. The only reason I knew I had given birth is because someone told me we had to attend his funeral. Apparently, in my dream, he had died a few days, maybe hours, after I gave birth to him. I never got to hold him, never got to see him, never got to touch his face, or see him smile. I didn't get to change a diaper, put on his clothes, or wrap him ever so snugly in a receiving blanket. I didn't want to believe it. I had to see for myself, so I ran to the front doors of the funeral home, but they wouldn't let me in. I had to wait and enter last because there was a line to see my baby. Then the dream changed to an outdoor setting at dusk. It almost looked like a backyard. This was his burial site, his final resting place. I burst into tears at the site of such a small casket. (No, they shouldn't have to make caskets that small.) I finally got to see my baby, but once I got there, his face was a blur. After the funeral people tried to make me feel better, and all I remember saying is that I didn't get to hold him. Then I woke up to him crying and needing to be fed. I couldn't help but cry my eyes out. I haven't had such a vivid dream since I was pregnant, but it felt so real. It was such a horrible feeling.

Like I said before I don't know what I'd do if I lost either of my children. Honestly, I think that I'd be curled up in a ball in my bed for months. I don't get how a healthy baby can just stop breathing, and I definitely don't understand why. My heart aches for EVERYONE who has EVER lost a child. No baby or child should ever have to die. You all are so strong. And as I sit here typing this, listening to my children breathe as they sleep, I'm thinking about all your children who are no longer here.Who no longer get to spend precious moments with their loved ones, who don't get to experience their first birthday, their first holiday, their first kiss, or their own wedding. Those children who are missed oh so much by loving families who want answers, but may never get them. Who no longer get to breath this world in. Even thought this is a bad and evil world sometimes, it's so worth it to be able to live. Life isn't fair sometimes, but what doesn't kill us will only make us stronger.

Tonight I want to honor a few of the children with wings.

Paisly Grace Davenport: 6/21/2010 (Born Sleeping)
Michael Cohen Marshall: 6/7/10 - 6/18/10 (Congenital heart defect)
"Maddie" Staats: 10/14/2010 - 2/17/2011 (most likely SIDS)
Savanna Dawn Bouge: 3/28/2010 - 11/12/2011 (most likely SIDS)
Kelsey Smith Briggs: 12/28/2002 - 10/11/2006 (Blunt force trauma to abdomen)
McKenzie Grace: 12/23/2007 (Born Sleeping)
Carly Elliotte: 11/15/2007 Lived 4 months in NICU (Heart Defect)
Hannah Elliotte: 11/7/2008 (Born Sleeping)
Bradley: 8/16/2008 (Born Sleeping)
Audrey Caroline: 4/7/2008 (Lived 2 hours with many defects)
...and many, many more

May you all Rest In Peace!

Tonight my heart is broken
</3 Kayla 

My first baby belly...

The day I found out that I was pregnant with Kailey, I was so shocked. We weren't actively trying to get pregnant, but we weren't doing anything to prevent it either. In all honesty, we hadn't really tried to prevent pregnancy the first 4 years of our relationship, so, of course, I didn't think anything about it. My periods were always irregular. They had been since I first started my period in 7th grade. Sometimes I even skipped a month all together. But this particular month I was 2 weeks late. I decided to test anyway, just in case, but I was sure my period would come eventually, like it always did. 

Blake, my fiancé at the time and now my husband, went to the local Walmart (that's the local hot spot when anyone needs ANYTHING... lol.) and bought a pack of 2 ClearBlue digital tests, and a 2 pack of First Response tests. I tested with the digital test first thing the next morning...

I have to be honest, I cried in shock. I was 18 years old. This couldn't be happening to me... So I thought "maybe it's wrong..." and took another test around lunch time. This time I used the First Response test with the little pink lines...

Even though the test has it written on there which reading is which, I still somehow got it confused for all of maybe 30 seconds. I saw those two pink lines and felt relief. Then I looked again and my heart sank. I sat there on the toilet looking at that test for a really long time. Thinking how am I going to tell everyone that me, the girl who was the first to graduate in her family. The girl who had big plans for college. The girl who wanted to do something with her life better than what her parents did. The girl who wanted to be a nurse, to work in labor and delivery will be having her own baby before she can accomplish those dreams. That I will be in a labor and delivery room giving birth to my own child before I go to college. But then I found myself in all those thoughts and realized that giving birth to your own child is a much bigger accomplishment than going to college. Having a child and raising a child is a major responsibility, and if that is what God wants for my life, then so be it.

So I got up, put on my big girl panties, put the tests on the counter, and went and got Blake. All the while-I was smiling, and he was smiling. Our child was welcome in our lives. And from then on I was excited.

Blake joined the Army in February 2009 and he would be leaving for basic and AIT by the end of that March. Meaning, I would be by myself for most of the pregnancy (besides me living with his parents while he was gone).

I didn't start showing until around 16 weeks. These pictures were taken at 18 weeks. We found out that we were having a girl on March 12, 2009. We were so happy. Blake left for basic and AIT on March 22, 2009. I wasn't very happy since he'd be gone for 5 months. 

I made the most out of the experience though. I took a lot of pictures and sent them to him all the time. Even though I missed him so much, I knew he'd come back soon. I also knew that I had a piece of him with me at all times, and that gave me comfort too.

Here are some of the other pictures I took during the pregnancy...

Me at 26 weeks...

This is me at 28 weeks...

This is me at 36 weeks

This is me at 38 weeks...

This is me at 39 weeks...

The baby shower was so much fun! Well, technically I had two because the ladies at work threw me one as well... We played the typical games, and had the typical gifts :] Loved it!

This is the beautiful cake that we had made. I love it, and it was so so good!

This was the cutest pair of flip flops I'd ever seen! They were sooo tiny!

This is most of the people who came... Some got away before we could take a picture! lol.

Alright ladies, it's time for bedie bye. Both of my children are sleeping (of course because it's 1:30!) and I need to be sleeping too!! G'Night.

<3Kayla

A little background in the begining...

Hi everyone!

I want to start off by telling y'all about myself. My name is Kayla. I am currently 20 years old. I am married to my high school sweetheart, Blake, and we have two beautiful bundles of joys in our lives. My husband is in the Army National Guard, and we live in the middle of almost nowhere - Auburn, Georgia.

This is our daughter Kailey (pronounced Kylie) Brooke. She was born on August 14, 2009. She weighed 7lbs 9oz. and was 19.25 inches long... :]

This is my husband and I the day of our wedding. Just 3 weeks after our beautiful daughter was born.

This little man right here is Cohen Michael. He was born on September 23, 2010. He weighed in at a whooping 8lbs 13oz! and was 19.5 inches long! And just look at that hair! (Which all fell out later, but is now starting to grow back...lol.)

Well, that was when they were born. This is them now.

This ball of fire is Kailey Brooke at 18 months old! It's crazy how time flies by and you look back and you're left wondering where it went. That's how I feel with her anyway. I feel like I gave birth to her yesterday, but she's almost 2! I remember the day so vividly. I had to be induced because I was a week past my due date, and the doctors didn't think I'd go into labor anytime soon on my own. Going back a little bit just to say that my husband (fiancé) at the time was doing his basic training and AIT (advanced individual training) for the Army in Missouri during most of my pregnancy with Kai. Anyways, he graduated the day before Kailey was born and got to the hospital just as they were inducing my labor. We were so thrilled that he got to be there because, honestly, we didn't think he was going to be able to see her born. I remember when she came out. I got to help deliver her, and got to pull her up on my chest. I was so amazed at what I had done, what God had done. Still to this day I can hardly believe that I made her. I made her tongue, her lips, her hands, her everything. And if I wasn't for me (and yes, God too) then she wouldn't be here. All I could think about was how much I loved my little girl, and how I could never live without her. I was amazed at how easily it is to love your own child. Even though she was just born-I loved her so so much.

This little big guy is Cohen Michael at just 5 months old. Yes, I said 5 months old. He weighs in at 19lbs 4oz and is 27 inches long! He is sooooo huge! He's already in size 9 months clothes! I barely even got to put him in his newborn sizes when he came home, because he was already almost 9lbs! Speaking of him being a newborn, the day he was born, I had to be induced again. Apparently, my uterus is the mother of all uterus's because my babies just want to stay in there! He was also a week late. His birth wasn't as easy as Kailey's was. My epidural didn't work very well with his labor. I could feel everything from the waist down, and of course there was nothing the doctors could do about it. They even gave me two re-doses, one of which had a sedative in it. Neither helped. It was agonizing. I can't remember as much from his birth as I do with Kailey's. But I do know that I loved him just as much as I did Kailey when I first saw him. I remember asking the nurses how much he weighed. When they told me 8lbs 13oz I immediately asked my doctor if I tore... Fortunately I didn't!

So, now you know a little about me and my family :]

<3 Kayla